Depression for me is like battling a beast while lost in deep dark fog top that off with all the other issues …………………..
Someday s are better then other days I will briefly reflect on my childhood lets just leave my childhood as a very difficult time filled with depression oppression despair and abuse of all and any kinds
Will deal with my childhood later when I feel ready …………………………………
I have been struggling with doing my prayers on time some days I can get most of them done other days no matter how hard I try I can’t just seem to be doing them I do fight with myself……….
I will be doing my best inshaallah and keeping a journal here about my progress.
Ramadan is inshaallah less than 2 weeks away I have decided to document my struggles day by day for the next few months I will not be using anyone’s name in this post I will be using letters in place of names …………………
Here’s a brief rundown of my life so far I am married to a wonderful man who is kind and religious . I have 2 children from a former marriage that didn’t end well my ex was and is abusive he has custody of the children ages 12 and 10 .
I have 2 babies at home one is 2 years old and the other is 6 months old.
Today 7/25 was not a good day I woke up in a mood and it didn’t get any better the way I was awaken was most disturbing I was awakened at 430am by a huge thunderclap that shook the house and woke my 2 year old M she awake screaming and it took me hours to calm her down I did do my morning prayers then tried to fall back asleep but I just couldn’t so I tried to read but my mind wouldn’t stay still long enough to concentrate so I watched some TV well actually they were DVDs of a show called Big Love the first season, then I drank a whole pot of coffee and took my morning medications I dislike swallowing pills they always seems to get stuck in my throat .
Today I also shaved and highlighted my hair with henna cleaned the house and took care of the babies M is being so mean to I ………..the weather does not help it has been humid muggy with sudden rain and thunder storms there hasn’t been much of a summer . here is my first post I did get all my prayers in today . All I can do is pray to Allah to give me strength to face each day and help me perfect my prayers and worship of Islam the one true religion.
I converted to Islam in 2004 in September I was at a cross roads in my life I felt that my life was drifting and without purpose my best friend from my teen years had died in a tragic accident that was caused by my sister .
Brief bit about me growing up I was the oldest of 5 I have 3 younger sisters and a younger brother we grew up moving around following the crops and planting cycles I loved cooking and baking and still do I was home-schooled and got my ged in 97 went to a culinary arts program and graduated second in my class with perfect attendance . I started researching religions when I was 18 I tried several different churches of different faiths as well as temples then I started reading about Islam and it sounded right and I understood it so I researched it and then converted to Islam, I didn’t have any trouble with wearing a head scarf (hijab) and covering myself I always liked being covered it just feels right and I love modest clothes as a child I always wore dresses and long skirts with modest tops