as salam alikum
I haven’t written in a while been quite busy with life , life has been quite trying to be honest I have been struggling, I am trying to live and be happy in a foreign country , I have been here since January and it is still hard I barely speak the language to be honest my 4 1/2 year old and 3 1/2 year old speak and understand more Arabic than I do.
My struggles seem to get the best of me some days I suffer from bipolar depression which means my brain chemicals are all weird and off my brain seems to be for a lack of a better word broken , I feel sad and blah when I have no reason to , medications don’t seem to help some days are better than others but lately it seems the blah’s have taken over my life I struggle to feel anything but sad.
I have been dealing with teeth pain , have been to the dentist three times in three weeks and still the pain is here have tried to explain to my sister in law that the teeth need to be root canals or to be pulled , the dentist just seems happy to clean out teeth and repack with stuff then see me in a week to repeat , (this is when I miss American dentists at least in America I can talk to and make myself understood , I would have had my teeth fixed the 1st time in America if I was home ) Morocco is a bit backwards and way laid back everything is tomorrow , tomorrow and sometimes it just makes me want to scream .
I have been struggling with my Salat since the 9th of this month I have started keeping track of how many times I pray , Islam requires 5 times a day on the 9th, 10th 11th I made all 5 prayers from the 12th through the 20th I had my monthly period and when it is cycle time women do not make salat after my cycle I started keeping track again 21st through 27th I made all 5 prayers some days it seems easier than others .
Ramadan is almost here and to be honest I am nervous and anxious I want to succeed at fasting but I do not want to affect my milk supply so I will try not really sure how well or what to expect as I haven’t really ever fasted more than a few days here and there since I became muslim mainly due to my health , the last few Ramadans I was either pregnant , breastfeeding or pregnant and breastfeeding or just pregnant yes I have had three babies in a short time span 2009 baby 2010 pregnant 2011 baby 2013 baby 2014 breastfeeding said baby who will be 1 in middle of Ramadan .
I wonder how Ramadan will be celebrated in a muslim country , yes Morocco is a muslim country this should be exciting I am looking forward to it and am a bit nervous as well .