Living in a strange country

I am lonely very lonely here I feel like I am always left out of the conversation last to know, 

Even when I am included in the conversation I feel like I am missing words ,

I try and learn but it is very hard.
I feel like my brain is wired differently to not retain languages I feel deficit in languages, 

I  now understand how people with autism feel being misunderstood and alone in the world and that sometimes one can hear the information but nor process or retain it and are then unable to respond to it.

I feel alone even when surrounded by people the noises get to me then I go hide in my room , noise sensory issues are not fun to deal with hiding might to some seem childish but when your system is overwhelmed you just can’t deal with it and will shut down.

My moods have been haywire and I can’t seem to get them under control nothing I have tried seems to help, it is very frustrating and lonely no one wants to be around me when I’m in one of my moods what they don’t understand is I don’t have control of my brain it runs away and haywire and then I feel bad guilty and upset about my moods it doesn’t help that there is language differences and cultural differences as well as cultural issues.

I am alone to suffer that’s all I do is suffer it feels pointless to try and fight something I have never had control over there is no hope the mood swings seem to be getting worse and more frequent as well as more frightening sometimes I wonder if it would be better to just leave and go away from everyone that I know so they don’t have to deal with my issues and mood swing

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12 thoughts on “Living in a strange country

  1. Abbie says:

    Hey Assalamoalaikum!
    The very fact that you’re a revert makes you a fighter – fighting with your nafs (psyche) is what Islam is all about. I pray may Allah bless you with stamina and courage! Ameen. When noise and clamor become too much to handle recite a few verses of Quran out loud. I’ve felt that work for me. Afterall, written word was noncomprehendable to Prophet SAW and he could only make sense of it when it was recites by the archangel Jibril AS. Arabic may not be my language but there is some divine energy in the word of Allah.
    Visiting you via Muslimah Bloggers

  2. marinafarook says:

    asalamu alaikum sister Umm Ayoub Aicha Daiche,
    i am very touched by this writing. please don’t feel alone in your heart even though you are alone physically. you have a global network of sisters to love you and be with you in this world and next. if ever you need to talk then message me through any social media 🙂 ❤

  3. misfitmuslimah says:

    I have felt this way often even when surrounded by people who speak the same language, maybe it’s because I have so many issues with my mental health that makes me feel disconnected from normal people and misunderstood as well

  4. Safiyyah Amatullah says:

    Dearest sister, I pray that Allah strengthens you to surpass your fears and struggles. Be optimistic and have faith in Allah that everything will turn out completely fine, InshAllah. Stay strong! I would love to see even more positive and empowering posts from you in the future, dear sister.May Allah bless you, amin.

  5. Fousia says:

    May Allah Make it easy for you Ameen, I know how it feels to be away from home, in a different culture, new language. It gets easier to cope something that helped me was finding something that i could do alone and enjoy daily whether its going for walks, reading a book, watching a movie etc.

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