Email From  A sister Asking  Questions About Bipolar 

As salaamu alaikum sister

I read your post about love hurts, then read the title of your blog, and read a couple posts in relation to depression I just want to ask a few questions because I would like to know more:

  • what does it feel like from day to day to have bi-polar disorder?
  • how do you cope?
  • does it help to have support around you?
  • what is your diet like?
  • have you changed your diet to see how your mood has changed as well?

Jazakhallah khair
May Allah help ease your pain ameen.

Wa alikum salam Sister 
I have answered the questions in the order you wrote them if you have any more questions feel free to ask away
Depends on the day some days are good other days are a real struggle just to get out of bed and get dressed
One day at a time some days just one minute at a time
Yes it does help to have support but sometimes even with support I still struggle 
Very wholesome lots of fresh cooked meals and whole foods try to stay away from processed and junk foods 
By cutting out dyes and addtives it has helped my skin issues not really helped my mood that I’ve noticed 

No More

I cry a tear
I wake a new, so lost in light
following the rainbow over the hills
are hearts are never still
fly with me I shine so bright
smile and laugh with me showing all your love,
our hearts are free dancing in skies above water drops
down upon my face, tears frozen in despair
dancing with memories of old dreams
I scream another night within my soul
hidden from all eyes , is a silent shame I have carried for you
never realizing it’s your burden !
You threshed  upon me at such a young age telling me it was my shame well no more
I refuse to share your secrets its upon you to bear and answer for what you did ,
I have forgiven you but I haven’t forgotten !sad

Depressed Ranting of a overly tired mind

Everyday is a struggle but some how I get through it. Alhamdulilah if it wasn’t for the Merciful that Allah bestowed upon me, my reading, my deen, I would be back in the darkness of my thoughts. Today I am a little bit depressed, maybe it’s hormonal, maybe it’s the awkward silence that my husband and I are experiencing , He talks to everyone but me. I am in the mind-fog of depression. The depressed mind doesn’t always recognize things as they are. Everything feels like it is a huge chore I am crabby and irritated, easily annoyed and short tempered in I will yell at the drop of a hat , why must I always deal with depression it is like being lost in a thick fog it makes everything distorted and it is hard to find your way out of the fog.

I have been beyond blue for a long time it is a daily struggle living with depression , my doctors say bipolar NOS but I rarely swing into mania mostly it is depression with periods that are hypo-manic so basically I get into moods were I plan stuff like sewing projects and start them yet never finish them or my favorite I clean things weird things I am sure no one else cares if are ever cleaned, another thing is I am having a lot of trouble sleeping it doesn’t help that in the neighborhood there are several dogs that bark at random  and never seem to shut up then there are the babies who wake and fuss then on top of that I have to pee like every five minutes and there is only one bathroom upstairs . I just feel defeated when fighting depression so far nothing has worked or even seemed to help it is like I am walking around wrapped in a thick gray fog that no one else can see but me .

Having depression is like having a invisible wound that just will not heal , to explain it so a non depressed mind will understand the closest I can come is to use a stubbed toe as a example you stub you toe it hurts and is bloody you take care of said toe and it is almost healed when again it gets hurts and the cycle just keeps repeating over and over that is how depression is there is always going to be a cycle of feeling blue and lower than dirt to depressed to even brush your teeth , hair or take care of yourself some people get stuck in that and never get out others learn how to mange somewhat normal looking lives while hiding how they truly feel . I do not know why some people are given depression , bipolar and other invisible illnesses to deal with , but  Allah never gives a person more than he or she can bear .allah does notdon't be sad


Words of Encouragement To Sister who suffers from depression

Dear sister,May Allah make this easy upon you and  your family! Allahummah Ameen!!! I will offer dua for you and I clearly understand the feeling of depression,darkness and sadness it’s not easy at all. The struggle gets real trying to hide it from your family and children,just remember that Allah will never place anything upon you that you can’t bare. And sadness is not from Allah so hold on tight to his rope . Allah tests Us this is all part of his plan just offer prayer  and remain patience , reach out to friends for support and know you are loved and not alone everyone has struggles of some sort, try and have a good day sister, love your sister in Islam1622001_810512085630770_1327555773_n

Ups and downs of life

As Salam Alikum all I haven’t been a very good blogger as of late been having some health problems as well as relationship problems will go in depth a bit later ……………………………………..

To start with my women’s cycle has went all wacky on me it use to come every 28 to 30 days and now it is coming every 21 to 22 days not sure why the change in my cycle but it has been hard on me to adjust, saw a doctor and she said everything is ok some women’s cycles change as they get older.

Then there has been my head ache that won’t go away I have had a head scan and nothing is wrong with my brain not sure why I get head aches maybe it is caused by my teeth been having tooth aches and pain went to dental appointment but it didn’t help the pain now am waiting to see the dentist .

I have had issues with wannabe friends trying to control me and when I stood up and told them to back off they started talking smack behind my back so I had to cut them completely out of my life.

Raising two small children is hard and trying at times and having one child who has a sensory disorder makes it 3 times as hard ……………………………

I recently lost 3 members of my family they all passed away within a week of each other 2 from being shoot and one from just being old and it was his time to go …………………………………………….

I have been struggling with making my prayers on time not sure how to fix the problem sometimes I can do the prayers but other times it is so hard and then I feel useless and stupid as I only know 1 prayer in arabic by heart , it took me like 3 years to learn that prayer .

I don’t really have a good friend that I can talk to about how I feel all my emotions are scrambled up sometimes I feel fine and other times the only way I can make it through the day is to stuff my feelings down and eat chocolate yeah probably not a good idea I just feel so disconnected from my feelings almost like I’m numb to feeling, not sure when this started and I don’t know how to fix it

In need of help with deprssion and housework

Ok ok I will admit I need help with my depression , my medication is no longer working and the depression is starting to affect my housework , I keep a clean house it is just when I am depressed I don’t keep the house as clean as a muslim is suppose to .
Cleanlness is really big in Islam , one should always have their house super clean you never know when company will drop by .
My friend S called me this morning and said she was coming over , we meet on Saturdays , So I picked up the house washed the dishes and stashed away the toys by the time I got done my baby girl had already messed up the house ah the joy of toddlers.
My friend she came over and brang her MIL ( mother in law) while she my friend was at my house she helped me pick up all the toys and put them away she has the nicest ways of helping without making a person feel bad or more depressed . After I made and served everyone lunch and cleaned up the kitchen we all took the children to the park to play for a few hours then went to pick up our food from the food place . I walked her and her MIL to the bus stop then I came home put the food away and now I am sitting here feel bad about how my house looks I try and try to keep it clean like my husband likes and wants but I feel like I am failing it seems like when ever I turn around the housework has stacked up I feel so depressed I have gotten rid of everything I don’t use and put everything in its place but everything seems to move as if it has legs of its own .
I will admit I need help with both my depression and my housework I have a doctors appointment inshaallah next week .
I will be working out a daily task list and also a weekly list so as to be able to keep the house sparkle clean inshaallah

beyond winter blues

Ok Ok I know I haven’t posted in a while but I have been battling depression and pain yes I still have this head ache it is never ending I have tried rubbing icy hot into my neck and temples but it doesn’t help neither does taking pain medication so I am at my wits end physical therapy excises do nothing to help the pain.
Lately I have just been sitting on the couch and holding my head not much of a life I know .
Doctors don’t seem to know how to relieve the pain …………………………………………….

Oh yeah Aunt Flo showed up yesterday so on top of my head ache that never ends I now have the cramps and backache of that time of month to be honest I just feel plain old depressed wore out and tired but sleep doesn’t help not one bit anyway I haven’t been sleeping just laying in bed and staring at the ceiling because I can’t turn off my mind my thoughts just race around and around like a cat chasing it’s tail.