Ugh Mood update 

As Salam Alikum Readers

Just a quick note about my mood, I haven’t been doing very well in the last few days there have been more tears and I really care to admit. Some of the things that bring me to tears are absolutely silly , today I broke down into tears over dishes maybe it is because it is that time of month a.k.a. Aunt Flo is here and I have had horrible cramps the weather isn’t helping it’s cold and rainy I don’t really have any friends and I feel alone I miss my monkeys aka  children it is hard to be so far from them. In sha Allah tomorrow is a better day

Mood changes 

As Salam Alikum Readers,

I can feel it, it’s creeping in slowly and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. What I’m talking about is a change in my mood, everyone goes through mood changes some more than others. When dealing with a mood disorder one must always be aware of their mood somethings that affect the mood are under our control, then there are other things that we have no control over like the changing of the weather, the pollen count and how other people react as well as their moods.

I recently started a job and I’m not really used to the schedule the job structure is very good and when I’m at work I can concentrate on just working. It’s the other things like my days off, weather and the unending list of chores.

Not really sure where this post is going I feel weird my mood is shifting and I’m trying to explain it but I guess I can’t really explain it my mind is going to fast and I cannot keep up I am trying to keep up with the chores but I feel I am going to become hypomanic which is not something that I like to be because when I am hypomanic I do not sleep I do not eat and I start projects then never get finished. I have tried countless medications but they don’t help I’m either allergic or intolerant to the medication or the side effects are very bad so I am trying to manage my disorder as best as I can.

Thanks for reading this hope it helps someone.

 This is how my brain feels when I am getting hypomanic.

Daily Routines

Everyone has daily routines whether they realize it or not.

When one is dealing with a depression episode or a manic episode it can be helpful to ground oneself to the present and not get lost in the cycle of a depression or manic attack .

 Yes I am calling episodes of manic or depressive symptoms an attack  because that is what it’s like, being attacked by unwanted symptoms and dealing with the issues that are the result of a attack, the best way to explain it to a non mentally ill person is to compare it to catching a cold or flu at the most inconvenient time and then having to deal with the symptoms and fallout of the after affects well that’s what it’s like to have bipolar.

Daily routines can be comforting and calming for small children as well as for people whom suffer from mental illness, it can help them pull through when they know what to expect and what is expected of them .

It gives us a way to move through the fog of all the negative emotions and painful feelings and sometimes it even gives us hope and a bright in spot  our gloomy  time, well most of the time it works sometimes nothing seems to help and we just have to manage as best as we can until the attack subsides then we just pick up the pieces and try to move one with our lives.

 There will be some days when you will feel like you’re on autopilot and detached from whats going on around you on those days be kind to your self its ok not to feel and to do things automatically,sometimes it is all you can mange to do because if you allow yourself to feel you will drown in all the unpleasant pain and you just can’t go there at that moment this is ok too be kind to yourself

Routines can help center and keep oneself from going off in a manic attack, 

My most basic routine is just getting through the day on really hard days it’s getting up and dressed then eating breakfast and doing basic mindless household chores .

I have been known to become manic and crazily clean everything in sight and reorganized the whole house the issue with this is once I come down from the manic attack I will not remember where I put anything and it’s super frustrating and self defeating then I usually sink into a dark depression.

I wouldn’t ever wish depression or bipolar moods on anyone it is the most horrible feeling and suffering is the worst no one really understands how or why some people have it and other don’t it’s just one of those mysterious things that occurs.

I am struggling

as salam alikum readers

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I have been struggling with my moods , it is hard and it effects everyone around me .  Being ill with bipolar that doesn’t respond to medication is very hard , it is like being thrown on a roller coaster without being ask before hand.

It has been causing issues in all areas of my life and right now I just feel blah if that’s even a feeling. The last few days have been very hard lots of tears and yelling for this I apologize . I have written a lot of poems and random stuff but I just don’t really feel like sharing it right now.

I try to keep myself busy with chores , washing dishes, washing clothes , folding clothes. Organizing cupboards, sorting shoes , trying to write is just hard my thoughts seem all jumbled up and confused like word salad .

I haven’t really been sleeping , I have had sleep issues for a long time , I have to force myself to get up and do things because sitting around just makes me feel worse.

I started a simple routine Farj prayer breakfast migraine medication wash dishes and do other chores chase children, Dhurh prayer eat lunch wash dishes rest till Ars prayer then try and read  that doesn’t usually get anywhere as I read the same line over and over. Make tea hang out and play with children help them with homework. Marghib prayer then I try and write in my journal sometimes all I write is I don’t feel like writing , we have dinner then I pray Isha prayer then try and call my husband we chat on skype , then  everyone gets ready for bed , I try and sleep watch a bit of tv then toss and turn then repeat the next day.ho