Ugh Mood update 

As Salam Alikum Readers

Just a quick note about my mood, I haven’t been doing very well in the last few days there have been more tears and I really care to admit. Some of the things that bring me to tears are absolutely silly , today I broke down into tears over dishes maybe it is because it is that time of month a.k.a. Aunt Flo is here and I have had horrible cramps the weather isn’t helping it’s cold and rainy I don’t really have any friends and I feel alone I miss my monkeys aka  children it is hard to be so far from them. In sha Allah tomorrow is a better day

No More

I cry a tear
I wake a new, so lost in light
following the rainbow over the hills
are hearts are never still
fly with me I shine so bright
smile and laugh with me showing all your love,
our hearts are free dancing in skies above water drops
down upon my face, tears frozen in despair
dancing with memories of old dreams
I scream another night within my soul
hidden from all eyes , is a silent shame I have carried for you
never realizing it’s your burden !
You threshed  upon me at such a young age telling me it was my shame well no more
I refuse to share your secrets its upon you to bear and answer for what you did ,
I have forgiven you but I haven’t forgotten !sad

Depressed Ranting of a overly tired mind

Everyday is a struggle but some how I get through it. Alhamdulilah if it wasn’t for the Merciful that Allah bestowed upon me, my reading, my deen, I would be back in the darkness of my thoughts. Today I am a little bit depressed, maybe it’s hormonal, maybe it’s the awkward silence that my husband and I are experiencing , He talks to everyone but me. I am in the mind-fog of depression. The depressed mind doesn’t always recognize things as they are. Everything feels like it is a huge chore I am crabby and irritated, easily annoyed and short tempered in I will yell at the drop of a hat , why must I always deal with depression it is like being lost in a thick fog it makes everything distorted and it is hard to find your way out of the fog.

I have been beyond blue for a long time it is a daily struggle living with depression , my doctors say bipolar NOS but I rarely swing into mania mostly it is depression with periods that are hypo-manic so basically I get into moods were I plan stuff like sewing projects and start them yet never finish them or my favorite I clean things weird things I am sure no one else cares if are ever cleaned, another thing is I am having a lot of trouble sleeping it doesn’t help that in the neighborhood there are several dogs that bark at random  and never seem to shut up then there are the babies who wake and fuss then on top of that I have to pee like every five minutes and there is only one bathroom upstairs . I just feel defeated when fighting depression so far nothing has worked or even seemed to help it is like I am walking around wrapped in a thick gray fog that no one else can see but me .

Having depression is like having a invisible wound that just will not heal , to explain it so a non depressed mind will understand the closest I can come is to use a stubbed toe as a example you stub you toe it hurts and is bloody you take care of said toe and it is almost healed when again it gets hurts and the cycle just keeps repeating over and over that is how depression is there is always going to be a cycle of feeling blue and lower than dirt to depressed to even brush your teeth , hair or take care of yourself some people get stuck in that and never get out others learn how to mange somewhat normal looking lives while hiding how they truly feel . I do not know why some people are given depression , bipolar and other invisible illnesses to deal with , but  Allah never gives a person more than he or she can bear .allah does notdon't be sad

 

Words of Encouragement To Sister who suffers from depression

Dear sister,May Allah make this easy upon you and  your family! Allahummah Ameen!!! I will offer dua for you and I clearly understand the feeling of depression,darkness and sadness it’s not easy at all. The struggle gets real trying to hide it from your family and children,just remember that Allah will never place anything upon you that you can’t bare. And sadness is not from Allah so hold on tight to his rope . Allah tests Us this is all part of his plan just offer prayer  and remain patience , reach out to friends for support and know you are loved and not alone everyone has struggles of some sort, try and have a good day sister, love your sister in Islam1622001_810512085630770_1327555773_n

Annoying mood

Everything seems to annoy me lately , not sure if it is just due to it being that time of month or what , Yesterday was especially trying because all I wanted to do was curl up into a tight ball and cry yes that is how I felt having cramps from hell it feels like I got drop kicked in the stomach by a horse , I did the natural remedies tried drinking the moon cycle tea and gentle stretching/ massaging my stomach area but nothing helped . It didn’t help that I craved good chocolate and there was none to be found anywhere.

Children were all fussy whiny and when mommy doesn’t feel good that is when they find the need and want to use mommy as a tree, or if there a boy they decide hey lets use mommy’s stomach to practice head banging , then the baby decides hey lets be super fussy and want mommy to hold me lets also nurse and use feet to try and launch off mommy stomach looks like a good point to apply feet while we’re at it  lets use the other nipple as a play thing and twist /pull pinch it and see what color mommy’s face turns and how loud she yells. Then my daughter decides lets see how loud I can scream after I have been told to be quite time to break out the mega deafening pitch that grates on everyone’s nerves,  and oh lets throw a fit because we want chocolate cake and if we scream it will just make it taste so much better well needless to say no one got cake and everyone got a tension head ache from said screaming ……..