Miscarriages and pregnancy loss a poem:

Whether you lost your baby at 6 weeks.

Whether you lost your baby at 12 weeks.

Whether you lost your baby at 16 weeks.

Whether you lost your baby at 20 weeks.

Whether it is your first loss.

Whether it is your second loss.

Whether it is your third loss.

Whether is is your fourth loss.

Whether you have not had a child.

Whether you already have a child.

Whether you have two children.

Whether you have three children or more.

Whether you lost your baby in your teens.

Whether you lost your baby in your twenties.

Whether you lost your baby in your thirties.

Whether you lost your baby in your forties.

Whether you lost your baby through ivf.

Whether you lost your baby through unplanned pregnancy.

Whether you lost your baby through planned pregnancy.

Whether you lost your baby through surrogacy.

Your pregnancy loss matters.

Your grief matters.

Your tears matter.

You matter.

#iam1in4 #pregnancyloss #miscarriage

World Breastfeeding Week

As Salam Alikum Readers

August 1st through 7th is world breastfeeding week

Some ways to support a breastfeeding mother are don’t stare or ask her to cover up its rude and some babies don’t like their heads covered think of it this way would you like to eat your meals with a blanket over your head ? No it’s hot and not very comfortable.

Offer the mother a comfortable chair and water as well as snacks breastfeeding makes a woman hungry and thirsty .

Dealing With Mood Changes …..

As Salam Alikum Readers

I haven’t been writing as much as I would like , I have been struggling with a few things . Feeling connected to my children is one of them , let me explain here a bit in depth, myself and my husband decided it would be best for their education if they went to school in Morocco and before February of this year I was with the children then I had to return to the USA and I’m missing my children, I chat with them through WhatsApp and get tons of pictures but it’s not the same as holding and hugging them chasing them around the house , I miss the mundane chores and activities I did with the children I miss them jumping on me in the morning and running to show me their latest drawings as well as their latest boo boo even if said boo boo doesn’t actually exist.

Another thing I’ve been struggling with is my health still trying to figure out why I get stomach aches because of this I have decided to remove cows milk out of my diet which is a lot harder than it sounds. I ran out of milk a few days ago and asked my husband not to buy anymore milk , he doesn’t really drink milk but he loves buttermilk but milk and buttermilk are completely different and I don’t care for the taste of buttermilk , I do like goats milk and it doesn’t upset my stomach so I just switched types of milk. I’m also trying to give up added sugar so today was the last day of the sugar I don’t plan on buying more don’t really have a need for sugar in my house my husband is diabetic and shouldn’t eat sugar so no more sugar for us. Also trying to decrease the amount of breads we eat there are healthier options aside from bread and breads turn into simple sugars when broken down by the body.

Will post a update on the progress in about a month, in sha Allah.

Depressed Ranting of a overly tired mind

Everyday is a struggle but some how I get through it. Alhamdulilah if it wasn’t for the Merciful that Allah bestowed upon me, my reading, my deen, I would be back in the darkness of my thoughts. Today I am a little bit depressed, maybe it’s hormonal, maybe it’s the awkward silence that my husband and I are experiencing , He talks to everyone but me. I am in the mind-fog of depression. The depressed mind doesn’t always recognize things as they are. Everything feels like it is a huge chore I am crabby and irritated, easily annoyed and short tempered in I will yell at the drop of a hat , why must I always deal with depression it is like being lost in a thick fog it makes everything distorted and it is hard to find your way out of the fog.

I have been beyond blue for a long time it is a daily struggle living with depression , my doctors say bipolar NOS but I rarely swing into mania mostly it is depression with periods that are hypo-manic so basically I get into moods were I plan stuff like sewing projects and start them yet never finish them or my favorite I clean things weird things I am sure no one else cares if are ever cleaned, another thing is I am having a lot of trouble sleeping it doesn’t help that in the neighborhood there are several dogs that bark at random  and never seem to shut up then there are the babies who wake and fuss then on top of that I have to pee like every five minutes and there is only one bathroom upstairs . I just feel defeated when fighting depression so far nothing has worked or even seemed to help it is like I am walking around wrapped in a thick gray fog that no one else can see but me .

Having depression is like having a invisible wound that just will not heal , to explain it so a non depressed mind will understand the closest I can come is to use a stubbed toe as a example you stub you toe it hurts and is bloody you take care of said toe and it is almost healed when again it gets hurts and the cycle just keeps repeating over and over that is how depression is there is always going to be a cycle of feeling blue and lower than dirt to depressed to even brush your teeth , hair or take care of yourself some people get stuck in that and never get out others learn how to mange somewhat normal looking lives while hiding how they truly feel . I do not know why some people are given depression , bipolar and other invisible illnesses to deal with , but  Allah never gives a person more than he or she can bear .

 

Modest Dress Code For Children

Yeah I know it seems weird to be writing a article on how to dress children but I feel I must have a say and this seems like the only place were I can have a say so away I am writing .

I feel there are certain ways children should dress and this is my way no one Else’s way feel free to agree or disagree , I really don’t care .

 

Showing the knees in both boys and girls is tacky and immodest should be avoided.

The length of a dress should be at least below the knee or longer ankle length is preferred. When one sits down one should make sure that dress is draped over legs and ankles if need be one may use a small lap blanket to cover legs and be modest

• Sleeves should cover shoulders and the older one is the longer the sleeves once one is 5 years old they should not be wearing short sleeves unless in the privacy of their own house, 5 to 11 years old, from 12 years to adult one should wear long sleeves whenever they are out of the house.
• Undershirts and underwear should always be clean and free of holes and stains , If you are embarrassed to show them then don’t wear them. Underclothing should fit comfortable and not pinch or ride up . Once a girl develops breast she should always wear a Bra .
• Bras should fit and be comfortable not ride up pinch , pull or bulge if it does any of these things then it is to tight
• Shorts for boys should fall to just below the knee , wearing pants would be preferable as they are more modest.
• Pants should be clean hole free and fit comfortable they should not ride up , pinch or be tight , if too long then fold into cuffs at the ankles or ask your mom to do a quick hem on them. Girls may wear pants that are loose , if the pants are tight then don’t wear them , stretch pans may be worn under dresses and long shirts .
• Shirts should not have faces or ugly pictures on them , girls should avoid wearing shirts that have prints on the chest area as it brings attention to that area.
• Dresses should fall below the knee and always wear either tights with dresses or short that fall below the knee, Tights should either match the dress or go with the outfit as should the shorts under the dress, young girls less tan 6 years old may wear dresses shorter than knee length as long as they wear shorts that fall past the knee.
• Skirts should be long loose and free flowing never form fitted or tight.
• Girls: Jilabas/ Abaya/Tunics and Kurta Tops/Salwar Kameez/Caftan may be worn over a core outfit, a core outfit is underclothes with tee-shirt and stretch pants or tights.
• Hijab should always be encouraged , once a girl has her monthly cycle then she should start wearing hijab full time when out of house
• Boys :Salwar Kameez/Disha Dasha/Long Kurta Shirt/Abaya/Thobes, Caftan/Jilabas / Kufies and hats should be encouraged to wear as it is more modest.
• Swimwear should be modest: for Boys shorts below the knee along wit a tee shirt. Girls tee shirt and below the knee shorts until age 11 then swimsuit should cover from wrist to ankles with a hijab attached
• Socks should always be clean and hole free , if wearing dark pants wear dark socks, light pants light socks .
• Shoes
  When choosing shoes always make sure that your toes are comfortable and that they don’t pinch pull or hurt your feet if your feet hurt then the shoes are wrong for you.
• Sleepwear / lounge wear should be comfortable and modest it is ok to wear short sleeves but only in the privacy of your own house .

A word of advice if you are in doubt if something is modest then don’t wear it

Ramadan day 8

Made it through another ramadan fast and going to the masjed for isha prayers , there was a problem with the speakers on the women’s side so it was hard to hear and follow along .

Pretty sure my gum infection is getting worse I now have pain running down my neck and up from were said tooth use to be basically the whole left side hurts .

I didn’t eat much hurts to much to chew even on the other side, all I want to do is curl in a ball and cry , got the crying part out of the way earlier can’t seem to get the curl up in a ball part taken care of both my boys are basically running around the room and jumping off of everything.

Ramadan day 7

I fasted today and went to the masjed for isha prayer and the extra prayers they do after isha prayer.

The women were actually quite while the prayer was being said ( in usa they keep on yap yapping while the Imam is doing the prayers) It was a nice change to be able to hear not that I actually understood much .

It saddens me that I can barely speak and understand Arabic I do try and try feels like I am beating my head against a wall .

My gum has become infected been rinsing with salt water.

Ramadan day 6

I fasted today and did all my prayers I felt like crap so when I wasn’t praying I was laying in bed trying to sleep it off.

I feel feverish but don’t have a fever another thing is every little noise bugs me it sounds like fingernails on a calk board .

I don’t feel like I fit in here, I am the odd ball out , no one really understands me or how I feel .

Insha-Allah tomorrow will be better.

Ramadan Almost here , While in Morocco

as salam alikum

I haven’t written in a while been quite busy with life , life has been quite trying to be honest I have been struggling, I am trying to live and be happy in a foreign country , I have been here since January and it is still hard I barely speak the language to be honest my 4 1/2 year old and 3 1/2 year old speak and understand more Arabic than I do.

My struggles seem to get the best of me some days I suffer from bipolar depression which means my brain chemicals are all weird and off my brain seems to be for a lack of a better word broken , I feel sad and blah when I have no reason to , medications don’t seem to help some days are better than others but lately it seems the blah’s have taken over my life I struggle to feel anything but sad.

I have been dealing with teeth pain , have been to the dentist three times in three weeks and still the pain is here have tried to explain to my sister in law that the teeth need to be root canals or to be pulled , the dentist just seems happy to clean out teeth and repack with stuff then see me in a week to repeat , (this is when I miss American dentists at least in America I can talk to and make myself understood , I would have had my teeth fixed the 1st time in America if I was home ) Morocco is a bit backwards and way laid back everything is tomorrow , tomorrow and sometimes it just makes me want to scream .

I have been struggling with my Salat since the 9th of this month I have started keeping track of how many times I pray , Islam requires 5 times a day on the 9th, 10th 11th I made all 5 prayers from the 12th through the 20th I had my monthly period and when it is cycle time women do not make salat after my cycle I started keeping track again 21st through 27th I made all 5 prayers some days it seems easier than others .

 

Ramadan is almost here and to be honest I am nervous and anxious I want to succeed at fasting but I do not want to affect my milk supply so I will try not really sure how well or what to expect as I haven’t really ever fasted more than a few days here and there since I became muslim mainly due to my health , the last few  Ramadans I was either   pregnant , breastfeeding or pregnant and breastfeeding or just pregnant yes I have had three babies in a short time span 2009 baby 2010 pregnant 2011 baby 2013 baby 2014 breastfeeding said baby who will be 1 in middle of Ramadan .

I wonder how Ramadan will be celebrated in a muslim country , yes Morocco is a muslim country this should be exciting I am looking forward to it and am a bit nervous as well .

Ups and downs of life

As Salam Alikum all I haven’t been a very good blogger as of late been having some health problems as well as relationship problems will go in depth a bit later ……………………………………..

To start with my women’s cycle has went all wacky on me it use to come every 28 to 30 days and now it is coming every 21 to 22 days not sure why the change in my cycle but it has been hard on me to adjust, saw a doctor and she said everything is ok some women’s cycles change as they get older.

Then there has been my head ache that won’t go away I have had a head scan and nothing is wrong with my brain not sure why I get head aches maybe it is caused by my teeth been having tooth aches and pain went to dental appointment but it didn’t help the pain now am waiting to see the dentist .

I have had issues with wannabe friends trying to control me and when I stood up and told them to back off they started talking smack behind my back so I had to cut them completely out of my life.

Raising two small children is hard and trying at times and having one child who has a sensory disorder makes it 3 times as hard ……………………………

I recently lost 3 members of my family they all passed away within a week of each other 2 from being shoot and one from just being old and it was his time to go …………………………………………….

I have been struggling with making my prayers on time not sure how to fix the problem sometimes I can do the prayers but other times it is so hard and then I feel useless and stupid as I only know 1 prayer in arabic by heart , it took me like 3 years to learn that prayer .

I don’t really have a good friend that I can talk to about how I feel all my emotions are scrambled up sometimes I feel fine and other times the only way I can make it through the day is to stuff my feelings down and eat chocolate yeah probably not a good idea I just feel so disconnected from my feelings almost like I’m numb to feeling, not sure when this started and I don’t know how to fix it