Ya Allah 

Ya Allah,

Make me an ambassador of Thy PEACE,

That where there is hatred,

I may bring Thy LOVE;

That where there is error,

I may bring Thy TRUTH;

That where there is doubt,

I may bring Thy FAITH;

That where there is despair,

I may bring Thy HOPE;

That where there are shadows,

I may bring Thy LIGHT;

That where there is sadness,

I may bring Thy JOY.

Ameen

Advertisements

When

When the Words of The One Most High are forgotten
When the pride of man forces him to fight wars and destroy the world
When lives and property of others are viciously trampled again and again
When trusts are violated
When Zakat feels to be a burden
When the Quran is put aside
When Religious knowledge is sought for worldly benefits
When husbands become the slaves of wives
When mothers are subjected to harassment
When the father loses his importance in the house
When the Mosque becomes the center of gossip
When the leaders become unbelievers and morally corrupt
When the wicked are respected out of fear
When singing and dancing women become popular
When musical instruments become popular
When children despise their parent’s piety
Then will Allah Command the end to begin
And snap the Divine rope  holding the world’s reality
The beads of life will then be scattered one by one
A storm will come carrying a red wind
And suddenly the earth will begin to shake in a catastrophic earthquake
And the features of man will be distorted
Sudden calamities from the sky will come
And the earth will swallow and bury all humanity alive
By the Command of Allah, The Most High we will certainly see the end

I am struggling

as salam alikum readers

feature_convectivecell

I have been struggling with my moods , it is hard and it effects everyone around me .  Being ill with bipolar that doesn’t respond to medication is very hard , it is like being thrown on a roller coaster without being ask before hand.

It has been causing issues in all areas of my life and right now I just feel blah if that’s even a feeling. The last few days have been very hard lots of tears and yelling for this I apologize . I have written a lot of poems and random stuff but I just don’t really feel like sharing it right now.

I try to keep myself busy with chores , washing dishes, washing clothes , folding clothes. Organizing cupboards, sorting shoes , trying to write is just hard my thoughts seem all jumbled up and confused like word salad .

I haven’t really been sleeping , I have had sleep issues for a long time , I have to force myself to get up and do things because sitting around just makes me feel worse.

I started a simple routine Farj prayer breakfast migraine medication wash dishes and do other chores chase children, Dhurh prayer eat lunch wash dishes rest till Ars prayer then try and read  that doesn’t usually get anywhere as I read the same line over and over. Make tea hang out and play with children help them with homework. Marghib prayer then I try and write in my journal sometimes all I write is I don’t feel like writing , we have dinner then I pray Isha prayer then try and call my husband we chat on skype , then  everyone gets ready for bed , I try and sleep watch a bit of tv then toss and turn then repeat the next day.ho

 

Boys

As Salam Alikum

My fourth child turned 5 wow where does the time go? It seems to just fly right on by!

Some things I have learned about raising boys , I have 3 boys and two girls . Boys are way rough and tumble when they play ,I’m not saying that girls aren’t rough and tumble because they are as well, what I’m saying is so far to me boys are rough and tumble 24/7.

Boys are very rough on their clothing always seems to be ripping and tearing it , as well as getting it dirty beyond dirty when I wash their clothes I have to wash at least twice to remove all the dirt yep that’s a boy for you. White on small boys will not stay white for long it will become grey or brown depending on where they are playing . Easy tip: stick with darker colors easier to wash and stains don’t as much or show up , don’t bother buying white socks it will just eat up your time scrubbing the dirt out of them.

Don’t worry about every time the fall and bump their head , boys bump their head all the time they are like little monkeys jumping and climbing everything , yes I do mean ever things stairs, stair railings , walls , anything , trees poles you name it they will try to climb it . Another thing is they love to jump off of stuff beds , chairs , coffee tables the list goes on and on.

Boys have their sweet and cuddle side , my boys have a rough and tumble lets climb up and jump on mommy to hug her climb up her back yes they are always active and have given up napping for the most part.

 

Depressed Ranting of a overly tired mind

Everyday is a struggle but some how I get through it. Alhamdulilah if it wasn’t for the Merciful that Allah bestowed upon me, my reading, my deen, I would be back in the darkness of my thoughts. Today I am a little bit depressed, maybe it’s hormonal, maybe it’s the awkward silence that my husband and I are experiencing , He talks to everyone but me. I am in the mind-fog of depression. The depressed mind doesn’t always recognize things as they are. Everything feels like it is a huge chore I am crabby and irritated, easily annoyed and short tempered in I will yell at the drop of a hat , why must I always deal with depression it is like being lost in a thick fog it makes everything distorted and it is hard to find your way out of the fog.

I have been beyond blue for a long time it is a daily struggle living with depression , my doctors say bipolar NOS but I rarely swing into mania mostly it is depression with periods that are hypo-manic so basically I get into moods were I plan stuff like sewing projects and start them yet never finish them or my favorite I clean things weird things I am sure no one else cares if are ever cleaned, another thing is I am having a lot of trouble sleeping it doesn’t help that in the neighborhood there are several dogs that bark at random  and never seem to shut up then there are the babies who wake and fuss then on top of that I have to pee like every five minutes and there is only one bathroom upstairs . I just feel defeated when fighting depression so far nothing has worked or even seemed to help it is like I am walking around wrapped in a thick gray fog that no one else can see but me .

Having depression is like having a invisible wound that just will not heal , to explain it so a non depressed mind will understand the closest I can come is to use a stubbed toe as a example you stub you toe it hurts and is bloody you take care of said toe and it is almost healed when again it gets hurts and the cycle just keeps repeating over and over that is how depression is there is always going to be a cycle of feeling blue and lower than dirt to depressed to even brush your teeth , hair or take care of yourself some people get stuck in that and never get out others learn how to mange somewhat normal looking lives while hiding how they truly feel . I do not know why some people are given depression , bipolar and other invisible illnesses to deal with , but  Allah never gives a person more than he or she can bear .allah does notdon't be sad

 

wipes for house

Ingredients

½ cup water
½ cup vinegar
8 drops essential oil including lavender
1 teaspoon detergent
Micro-fibre cloths
Large airtight jar
Instructions

Place cloths into large jar
In a jug combine water, vinegar, essential oil and detergent, mix to combine
Pour liquid over cloths
Seal jar

Use to clean things when done with wipe rinse it and place in laundry to be washed . 

Saves money and doesn’t have all the weird chemicals as store bought wipes

Quick Floureless Peanut Butter Cookies

1 cup peanut butter
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
2 eggs
1/2 cup peanuts roughly chopped
1/2 white chips or chocolate chips can also use both
Cream together peanut butter sugar nutritional yeast and eggs add nuts and chips.
Drop from rounded tablespoon or teaspoon depending on what size cookies you want, can make mega cookies as well. Bake on cookie sheet lined with wax paper.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 6 to 8 minutes.
Remove from oven cool on wire rack enjoy warm or cold with tea or coffee.

Makes about 2 dozen cookies unless you snack on the dough like I do before it’s baked

* can add cocoa powder 1/2 cup to make chocolate peanut butter cookies just add 1 more egg.

pbwcpbwzaatar and coffee