My Sisters

My sisters, you come in many colors
each with a shape and beauty all its own
like flowers in a garden
who can say which is best?

Tiny flaws are swallowed up by
massive beauty
The more you look
the more is uncovered
revealing delicate softness
covered with thick stalks
and some times thorns

We grow hardness without
to protect the vulnerability within

The flower dies all too soon
but in the spring
a new bud will form on a sturdy stalk
a new beauty yet to blossom
and share its God-given splendor
with the world.

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When

When the Words of The One Most High are forgotten
When the pride of man forces him to fight wars and destroy the world
When lives and property of others are viciously trampled again and again
When trusts are violated
When Zakat feels to be a burden
When the Quran is put aside
When Religious knowledge is sought for worldly benefits
When husbands become the slaves of wives
When mothers are subjected to harassment
When the father loses his importance in the house
When the Mosque becomes the center of gossip
When the leaders become unbelievers and morally corrupt
When the wicked are respected out of fear
When singing and dancing women become popular
When musical instruments become popular
When children despise their parent’s piety
Then will Allah Command the end to begin
And snap the Divine rope  holding the world’s reality
The beads of life will then be scattered one by one
A storm will come carrying a red wind
And suddenly the earth will begin to shake in a catastrophic earthquake
And the features of man will be distorted
Sudden calamities from the sky will come
And the earth will swallow and bury all humanity alive
By the Command of Allah, The Most High we will certainly see the end

Depressed Ranting of a overly tired mind

Everyday is a struggle but some how I get through it. Alhamdulilah if it wasn’t for the Merciful that Allah bestowed upon me, my reading, my deen, I would be back in the darkness of my thoughts. Today I am a little bit depressed, maybe it’s hormonal, maybe it’s the awkward silence that my husband and I are experiencing , He talks to everyone but me. I am in the mind-fog of depression. The depressed mind doesn’t always recognize things as they are. Everything feels like it is a huge chore I am crabby and irritated, easily annoyed and short tempered in I will yell at the drop of a hat , why must I always deal with depression it is like being lost in a thick fog it makes everything distorted and it is hard to find your way out of the fog.

I have been beyond blue for a long time it is a daily struggle living with depression , my doctors say bipolar NOS but I rarely swing into mania mostly it is depression with periods that are hypo-manic so basically I get into moods were I plan stuff like sewing projects and start them yet never finish them or my favorite I clean things weird things I am sure no one else cares if are ever cleaned, another thing is I am having a lot of trouble sleeping it doesn’t help that in the neighborhood there are several dogs that bark at random  and never seem to shut up then there are the babies who wake and fuss then on top of that I have to pee like every five minutes and there is only one bathroom upstairs . I just feel defeated when fighting depression so far nothing has worked or even seemed to help it is like I am walking around wrapped in a thick gray fog that no one else can see but me .

Having depression is like having a invisible wound that just will not heal , to explain it so a non depressed mind will understand the closest I can come is to use a stubbed toe as a example you stub you toe it hurts and is bloody you take care of said toe and it is almost healed when again it gets hurts and the cycle just keeps repeating over and over that is how depression is there is always going to be a cycle of feeling blue and lower than dirt to depressed to even brush your teeth , hair or take care of yourself some people get stuck in that and never get out others learn how to mange somewhat normal looking lives while hiding how they truly feel . I do not know why some people are given depression , bipolar and other invisible illnesses to deal with , but  Allah never gives a person more than he or she can bear .allah does notdon't be sad

 

wipes for house

Ingredients

½ cup water
½ cup vinegar
8 drops essential oil including lavender
1 teaspoon detergent
Micro-fibre cloths
Large airtight jar
Instructions

Place cloths into large jar
In a jug combine water, vinegar, essential oil and detergent, mix to combine
Pour liquid over cloths
Seal jar

Use to clean things when done with wipe rinse it and place in laundry to be washed . 

Saves money and doesn’t have all the weird chemicals as store bought wipes

Liquid laundry detergent

  • -1 bar of Dr. Bronner’s Lavender, Citrus, Peppermint, Almond or Baby soap
  • 1 dry cup of Borax
  • 1 dry cup of  Washing Soda
  • 1 dry cup of  Baking Soda
  • opt. a few drops of tea tree for disinfecting
  • Three gallons of tap water

    grate soap into sauce pan- add 2 cups of water stir, dissolve.
    into a five gallon bucket add Borax, washing soda and tea tree if using.
    dump melted soap liquid into bucket and stir quickly
    add water  stir and put lid on.
    set overnight- measure out 1/2 cup of liquid for light loads and 1 cup for normal.
     cheap liquid, Eco, natural detergent!

Dry Detergent for Clothes

Powdered Detergent

4 lb box Borax

3 lb box Washing Soda

4 lb box baking soda
3 lb container OxyClean (optional….but I have messy toddlers)

2 bars Fels Naptha soap (Dove is another soap I use

1.Grate bars of soap using a fine grater.  I use rubber gloves so that I don’t grate my fingers as well.I don’t grate my fingers as well.

2. In a large 5 gallon bucket, layer all ingredients and mix.  I put the lid on and rolled the bucket around and then used my rubber gloved hands to mix this all up.  It was a workout.

3. Use 2 Tbsp per load.  Sprinkle directly in drum on top of clothes.

*This works great in top loading, front loading, regular, and HE machines.

Inshaallah I will post a recipe for the liquid kind soon

Dear Allah , Help me Understand and Have Patience

Dear Allah,

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

I am writing this to get all the jumbled words and stuff floating around down on paper so to speak , inshaallah it helps clear and quite my mind.don't be sad

I am struggling and  I feel alone I try and I try to fight this depression it seems never ending like everything is all painted in shades of greys ,blacks and muted dull colors .

I can’t sleep well some nights I don’t even sleep I just lay awake and the tears slide down my face and I don’t even know why I am crying .

I have head aches daily and back pain along with hip pain and neck pain home remedies don’t seem to help and so far the doctors haven’t helped much either 

I know that I have no reason to be depressed it is like my brain is broken and stuck in the depressed mode and I am not sure how to snap out of it , nothing I have tried seems to work , I am either allergic to the medication or it has unwanted side effects or cause other problems so I don’t take the medication .

I pray 5 times a day and some days I even struggle just to pray , I know you already know this and you know everything even stuff I do not know about. I struggle to read the Quran please help me be able to read it more and to understand it , and not get lost and fall off the straight path.

Will I always feel this way?

Will I always feel like I am struggling to do my prayers? When will it feel easier and not like a chore ? I love Islam and prayers it is just so hard some days , my mind endless seems to wonder off or I get lost mid prayer or forget how many rakats I have done some days are just so frustrating when will it not feel this way? When will I feel like a good muslimah?

I feel like I am isolated and alone even when I am surrounded by family and friends why do I feel like this? Will I always feel like this ? I feel rootless like a tumbleweed blowing in the wind like I am in one place the get blown to another place where is my home?

When will I understand enough Arabic and be able to speak it clearly and not feel self conscious when talking to people?

When will the colors come back ?

Is my outlook to always feel and look depressed? Is there any hope for not being depressed?Can you show me the way out of the depression?

Will I always cry and not even know the reason why I am crying ? Is the crying a good thing? does it help me , I am trying to understand and be patience ,I am trying to be happy I am thankful for healthy children and healthy family who help out .

Will sleep always be a struggle?

Allah Most merciful one I promise that I will never give up I will fight to do prayers and learn more will keep trying to learn Arabic and keep trying to read and understand all of the Quran! I will never stop  fighting the depressed feelings I will not give up this is my promise to you , I am your humble muslimahmuslimah praying